I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
