I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
