look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
