I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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