i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
