i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
