would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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