I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
