all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
