Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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