my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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