does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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