the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
