I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
