butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
