He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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