who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
