Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
