listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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