oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
