I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
