i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
