I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
