If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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