so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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