so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
