OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
