hotel room ftw
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
