hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We need to get me chipped asap
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
