Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
3 2 1 whiskey
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
