He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
