I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
