direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
is wine microwaveable?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
