distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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