The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
