im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
