No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
