Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
