i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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