the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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