Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
