Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
