We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
