Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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