So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
