Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
