No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Boobs are out for the taking
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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