This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
