Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
