i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
