Too much gin, very little bucket
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
