my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
