Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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