I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
